Poor ~Megatron80, but still... this made me laugh even more than the Birdie Num Num scene from The Party: [link] so I had to steal it from his journal. I must be so difficult to live with right now.

~~~~~~~

The 12 most prominent things I've learned and experienced while living with a pregnant woman (so far):

#1 To forget logic, forget reason, forget everything....because it's all my fault.

Example:
Her: It's all your fault.
Me: What's my fault?
Her: Everything.
Me: So....the high petrol prices. That's my fault?
Her: Yep.
Me: The war in Iraq. That too?
Her: That's right.
Me: How about whaling?
Her: Your fault.
Me: But I like whales.
Her: Still your fault.
Me: I....see.

#2 Morning sickness doesn't necessarily mean she'll only be throwing up in the morning. It can strike at any old tick of the clock....even in the middle of the night. Do not get in her way.

#3 If you're a guy you'll know there are few things more frightening that a woman with a credit card. But the one thing guaranteed to strike terror into your heart is a woman with a credit card and a legitimate reason to use it. This is called 'maternity shopping'. Be afraid. Be very afraid. Chernobyl has nothing on what happens to your plastic.

#4 At the beginning of her pregnancy, she will be either throwing up or complaining how much her rapidly expanding breasts hurt. It is not a good time to ask for a feel.

#5 When you hear your baby's heart beating for the first time, you do freak out a little bit. A wet, thumping techno beat of WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH WOOSH will shatter you....but in a good way. There's something in there, it's alive, and from the bpm it's having a party. You're invited.

#6 To expect a lot of advice, mostly from complete strangers.

#7 "You can forget about that Harley Davidson motorcycle you've always wanted, at least until you're middle-aged and bald." Her words, exactly. -sigh-

#8 There's no such thing as a woman who loves being pregnant. It's a myth perpetuated by women to trick guys into impregnating them.

#9 Saying "you're not fat, you're pregnant" will not cheer her up.

#10 People assume it's their inalienable human right to paw at and grope her swollen belly, and she'll suffer through endless intelligent comments like "Oooooh you're so big!" or "you're so much bigger than I was at 5 months!" or "sure you haven't got twins in there!?" If only I had the guts to say what's on my mind, and that's 'yeah, she's pregnant, but you're ugly. And in a few months, she won't be pregnant.'

#11 Your mates who've already had kiddies will start warning you endlessly about pre-natal classes, which make you watch videos of ugly people having incredibly messy births. Over and over. Apparently.

#12 Don't wake her up before 7 am....actually it's more like 11 now.

You did the deed,
you split the seed,
so your partner has need,
to make you bleed.

And I'm going to learn a great deal more aren't I?

~J xo

~~~~~~~

If he doesn't want another biff between the eyes he'd do well to remember #12.



~Teh Brumbster & Brumbytron

P.S: Contest stuff can still be found here: [link] Lots of new art on the way too.





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